This December is the last month of the decade. Some people like to reminisce about the passing of a significant division in time. I will do so now.
What was I doing 10 years ago? I have no idea. I was like 15. Playing guitar and mackin’ on chicks at Trinity school.
What about 6 years ago?
- I was smugly enjoying my first christmas break home from college, complete with characteristic exclamation marks.
- I released Gentle Giant as well as some other songs (Jon’s Creole Belle).
- I was lamenting the fact that my ancient iMac wasn’t going to run ProTools Free when i upgraded to OS X 10.2 Jaguar. (this kind of stuff was blog-worthy back in the day… wow.)
- I won a guitar in a raffle at Mercer.
- I exuded an intense love of life beginning my ever-so-hopeful second semester of college. I must say that i’m jealous of my former self. Reading the words I wrote back then makes me realize how much life-crap has really transpired between then and now… so many incredible changes, so many painful experiences, so much hope and lost passion. Going through the years, i can almost pinpoint events that drastically altered me. I can hardly bear to summon that level of pure excitement now. Is this maturity? Have I really turned into some even-keeled job-holding home-owning married man? I don’t know whether to smile at my former naivete or grimace at my current blandness. It’s incredible, the things I have now, the direction my life has taken, I’m very happy with almost everything, but I’m not so sure that I’m getting the most out of life these days. I think i’m capable of getting much more. Maybe i’m wrong. Save this for another post.
- And finally, I wrote this old-testament style psalm about christmas:
HARK! CHRISTMAS BREAK IS NEAR!
REJOICE, IT IS SO CLOSE THAT
I CAN SMELL THE KIND OF SOAP IT USES!
I FEEL ITS TINY ARMHAIRS TICKLING MY OWN!
ITS SWEET BREATH, I KNOW!FOR WHEN I COME FROM THE HILLS
DOWN INTO THE SWAMPLAND,
I WILL FIND IT THERE!
BEHOLD, YOUR SEASONAL FREEDOM HAS COME!
Weren’t we enthusiastic back in those early blog days? And why not – those were the days of exemption from most responsibility, of privilege, of hang-out-and-have-fun-the-future-is-4-years-away. I’d be sort of disappointed if you still had the same attitudes about life now – after all you’ve seen and done and lived through – you can’t help but think differently, feel differently. I’m very much with the present you, on that point.
I understand what you mean though, about envying a former time when life was much much easier than it is today. I wish I would have really understood that then, but perhaps everything really does seems brighter in hindsight.
I’m finding it hard to find the right words to respond to this post, but I did want to say something because I think this cuts to the heart of so much that I feel and see in my friends these days – I deeply empathize with what you’ve written here, even if I can’t really write something down besides this really superficial reaction!