there are so many little things that i think make up my life. like typing on this blog. listening to music. taking care of animals. eating. keeping the house clean. doing small tasks at work. going to the store. talking about important little things with des. talking about random little things with jon.
why is the whole greater than the sum of its parts? how do the little joys and disappointments translate into a cacophony of conflict, completely incomprehensible? why does it take another human being to listen to you attempt to recount your experiences in order for you to sort things out with yourself sometimes? how do you turn emotional pressure into a rational decision?
those are rhetorical questions, because rhetoric said so. nobody knows.
i helped jon get a job at PreSonus. some of the smartest people in the world, though they may go to the same schools as their peers, and come from the same background as most, are not afforded better financial opportunities just because of their interests or choice of major. As if the classes you take in college will limit your ability to perform functions in a career.
and what about planning. i hate planning. no, i just hate other people’s plans. no, that’s not it either. i don’t know why planning has to be so hard, as if coordinating schedules was locking me into a dark maze where i blindly follow the path to the exit. kind of makes me want to give up on everything, including my own plans, and become an automaton with a disconnected emotional co-processor.
life is just inching along right now, as i do a lot of little nothings every day. the routine business that has no intrinsic meaning. there are only 2 things that i am really working on these days: getting a handle on my financial crisis, and making those painful adjustments to married life. the two tend to clash at awkward and uncontrollable times: if i had one situation under my belt, then could i use it as a tool to fix the second?
i sure hope my career is as financially fulfilling as all this 5-year build-up makes it out to be. then maybe i’ll be a little better at all the other little things in my life.
By the way, my life is probably not as scatter-brained and confused as this post makes it out to be. It’s going pretty good.
