How can one possibly have a lot of patience? or a lot of fun? I’d sure like to have a lot of fun!! but it’s impossible. Why, one might ask? I’ll tell you why! I asked my friend Webster, and he says the word “lot” is always a noun. okay! cool. a noun: person, place, thing. i can understand this…
I have a 200-acre lot.
I have a lot.
this is definitely a noun! we have a place, which we have designated as a “lot”. perfect! i can have a party on my lot! i can have cars on my lot!
i have a parking lot.
i have a lot of cars.
now, wait a tick! there’s some gray area coming in… do you mean a “lot”, a large number (which would somehow make the noun “lot” an adjective because it describes how many), or a “lot”, the noun, the place, the area of land? Well, to any natively english speaking person, either definition is correct. BUT WHY CAN “LOT” BECOME AN ADJECTIVE IF YOU PUT “A” IN FRONT OF IT AND “OF” IN BACK OF IT?!!
yes, it’s an adjective phrase… hmm. but we still call it a noun. Webster just calls it a ‘colloquial’ noun. shya right. so i have a plot of land with a bunch of horse poo on it, i really, literally, in all forms, have “A Lot of Crap”.
Allow me to speculate. thinking back to the roots, to the ancient Old Anglo-Saxons and the Old Germanic hamlets when merchants went around and sold stuff. “hip ho, good merchant man, i’d like to buy a gaggle of geese from your lot of geese.” “Oh yes, on my lot, i have geese. you can select your geese from this lot of geese over here.” And over many many years, the word “lot” has come to mean, ‘a large number’, because it was originally associated solely with the area of land filled with the subject matter (i have geese, i have a lot of geese.)
So let’s get serious and discount the colloquial form of the word “lot”, because the colloquial form and its connotative connivery means nothing. how can one have a plot of land with patience all over it? unless it was like carved into the ground or something? or FUN? I, personally, know a lot of people who are searching for a lot of fun. I tell you, they’ll never find it! But they don’t believe me… they look in all kinds of places, but as far as i’ve ever discovered, my lot of fun is in the verdant pastures of my very own brain. and thats it. period. there cannot Be a lot of fun. it is impossible.
the next thought you may be thinking could be, david has no life. david spends his time thinking about the origins and evolutionary connotations of colloquial speech patterns. what a dork! well, luckily for myself and the rest of society, i limit my extreme dorkiness to only my close friends and this very Blog. But next time you say, “Dang, that’s a lot of cheese muffins!” you’d better be describing a plot of land covered in gooey, tasty baked goods. and now i will exit like the equally dorky Sprint PCS commercial dude who is enlightening the silly world and its wacky cellular users with his PCS technology. my job is done here.
well somehow napster is coming back (check out episode 3). i bet it’s going to be like the Apple Music Store. but everybody knows its never going to be like the amazing joy and loving peace of the original Napster. 
comfort isn’t much of an issue: chairs are needless, beds superfluous, desks and stools pointless. feeding is easy. just throw some nourishment into my globby mass, and watch as i slowly assimilate and digest it. 
